Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
