And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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