Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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