shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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