True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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