sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
