I faked an abortion last night.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
