ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
