But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
