Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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