evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
