I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
