did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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