Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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