Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
