So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
