Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
