I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
