There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
