Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
