I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
