Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
