I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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