You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
