Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
