I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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