Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
How's work?
Spinning.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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