I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
