I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
