Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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