this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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