I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
