I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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