so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
