her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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