Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
