There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
