We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
