Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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