There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
