I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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