if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Semen is not good for contacts.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
