I wanna passion pit in your ass
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
