You just made me feel so damn special
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
