I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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