dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
