We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
