VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
