OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
