took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I lost the right to judge tonight
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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