Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
