I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
