I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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