genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
