it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
