I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
