it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
