The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
