i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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