I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
