atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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