I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
