Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
