Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
