Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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